Same sex marriage

I tend to shy away from conversations about politics and religion because those two topics always seem to cause friction and I try to be as drama free as possible.  Since this is MY blog I thought I would take the time to express my thoughts on same-sex marriage in light of the recent passing of the law in NY.  Do I agree with same-sex marriage?  Nope, not at all.   Do I believe people are born as homosexuals?  Sure don’t.  I believe that homosexuality is a choice just like infidelity.  Am I upset about the passing of the law in NY?  Nope.  While I don’t agree with it, I think there are bigger and more critical issues that we should be fighting.

My problem with the same-sex marriage advocates is when they compare their struggle to the struggles of blacks during the civil rights movement.  I don’t think that homosexuals are oppressed merely because of their sexual orientation.  No one can look at…well at least not at most homosexuals and know that they are homosexual.  On the contrast, being black is easily seen and led to and still causes some hindrances.  As a Christian, I disagree with same-sex marriage because to me it goes against the sanctity of marriage originally designed by God.  I’m not opposed to love, I’m opposed to the morals that being with the same-sex presents.  In my opinion, marriage now has no merit.  Let’s face it, most of our laws are based on morals and biblical content.  It is illegal to steal and kill because it is morally incorrect as well as the Bible says so.  I think that if we say it is okay for same-sex marriage, we can elaborate and say it’s okay to have more than one spouse.  Hey while we’re at it, marry family members.  Seems a bit far-fetched?  I think not.

Brazilian

I apologize in advance for those of you who may find this as TMI. 

About a year ago, I began getting Brazilian waxes.  I’m not really sure what prompted me to do so, all I know is that I begin surfing the internet finding places locally that offered the services.  I found a couple of spots but was too chicken to actually do it.  One day while visiting a friend in Raleigh, we went to European Wax Center to get a free service and I mentioned that I was curious about Brazilians.  The lady convinced me to get one especially since it was 50% off for first time guest.  Anyone who knows me knows that I can’t pass up a good bargain.  As I lay there completely exposed to a perfect stranger, she begin to ask questions as to why I decided to start this process.  First off, the whole talking to me while you are all in my private is a bit uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to be rude, so I provided short answers in hoping that she’d get the point.  Unfortunately, she didn’t and we ended up conversing the entire time she waxed me.

At first I felt kinda freaky getting a Brazilian.  It seemed like only something a porn star would do.  Not to mention, when I first started getting them, I didn’t have a boyfriend nor was I sexually active.  The woman was surprised to learn that I was doing this just because.  While that may be the intent of most ladies that have it done, I categorize it with eyebrows arched, legs/underarms shaved, etc.   

I will say this about Brazilians…it’s kinda like getting a tattoo…it seems like a good idea prior to getting it done.  I have a very high tolerance for pain, so I may not be a good judge of how painful this process is.  I can say, however, the pain lasts like 3 seconds and it’s over.  I am now hooked on Brazilians.  As a lady, you feel more clean and more confident.  I think that every woman should try it at least once.  Once you do, you’ll throw your razors away.  Prior to doing it, please do your research.  I’ve gone to several different salons and have had various experiences.  None compares to the experience at European Wax Center.  They have a technique that makes the procedure a little less painful than others I’ve visited.  They also are the least expensive.

Happy Waxing!!!

 

It’s hard out here for a…

It’s no secret that a lot of people are experiencing financial difficulties.  High gas prices, job eliminations, funding for unemployment cut are all commonplace.  While I am blessed and fortunate to not be a victim of financial difficulty during this current recession, I’m not oblivious to it.  I’ve been in the position where I worked everyday, just to pay rent and car note and found myself dining on Ramen Noodles for lunch and dinner because I couldn’t afford anything else.  I know what it feels like to not know where you’re getting gas money from or trying to juggle whether to pay the electric bill or the phone bill.  I know all about it.  I also know where my help comes from.  Let’s not get it twisted, I’m no way a baller or a shot caller, but I am living pretty comfortable these days.  That’s all I have ever wanted.  Never wanted to be rich or anything, just comfortable. 

While I was struggling, there were some decisions that I had to make.  I quickly realized that I was living well above my means so step one was to scale back.  I didn’t need all the premium channels on cable.  I didn’t need the unlimited package on my cell phone.  I didn’t need a two bedroom apartment.  I didn’t have to drive to work because at the time, I was living in the DC Metro area and there was a bus or train within a mile radius of everywhere.  The point I’m trying to make is that I HATED struggling and I made the adjustments necessary to get myself out of the situation.  Ultimately, I ended up moving home with my parents.  While it was humiliating and a blow to my pride, it was necessary.  It gave me an opportunity to realign myself and gain focus on what I needed to do.

You may wonder where I’m going with this.  Glad you asked.  Over the last two weeks, I’ve had “friends” and I use that term loosely, ask me for money.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I will give (I learned a long time ago not to loan) you money if you need it.  I never give money that I plan on getting back.  I have a soft spot for the need for money because of the struggle that I experienced myself.  Call it pride, but even during my struggle, I never asked anyone for help.  So, for someone to have enough guts to ask me for money, I admire.  Everyone needs help and I realize that there are some people who are so desperate that they will do or ask anyone to obtain what they need. 

There is, however, stipulations on who I will give money to.  There’s a reason behind this.  It’s not because I’m stingy.  It’s because I’ve been in the struggle before and I did what I had to do to get out of the struggle.  If I feel like you’re not changing your habits to get out of your situation, I’m not going to give you money.  I’m just enabling you by continually giving you money.  I recall one of my close friends at the time asking me for a certain amount of money because her electricity was about to be turned off.  Of course, I gave it to her without hesitation.  A day or so later, we were going somewhere and I saw a receipt from Hecht’s for some boots for the same amount that I gave her.  I was livid.  I never said anything to the friend, but definitely made a mental note of it.  Over the years, she has asked for money for various reasons and I’ve told her no.  Recently,  I gave in to allowing her to using my credit card to book flights for her son to fly home from college.  She paid me back for two of the tickets.  Still waiting on payment for the other two.  In the midst of her financial woes, however, she’s managed to rent a nice house in DC and drive a Land Rover and a Benz.  She’s also made lavish trips to Miami, Vegas, and Atlantic City.  See a trend here?  It’s no secret that she lives WELL above her means.  Yesterday I received a request for a loan from her because her electricity was turned off.  A lot is wrong with this picture.  She currently has her boyfriend/fiance living with her.  She has a father that is financially stable and is doing pretty well for himself.  I rarely hear from her and when I do it is some financial request.  Why on earth would you ask someone who is thousands of miles away to borrow money?  Furthermore, why on earth would you think I’d keep giving into your obvious issue?

I’m not sure if there was a post on Facebook or what, but a few hours later, I had another “friend” text me and say “Hi sweetie, I know you’re not my personal banker, but do you have $100 I can borrow?  I need to get food for my girls.”  That was the icing on the cake.  I rarely hear from this dude, yet when you do contact me it is about borrowing money?  Where do you get the balls to do that?  While it made me mad, I still in the back of my head felt bad for not giving either one of them the money.  On one side, I’m thinking that they have to be pretty desperate to ask me and I’m thousands of miles away.  Then on the other hand, I think they must think I’m Boo Boo the fool and obviously they have some other financial obligations that they have mismanaged and do not want to let the ones closest to them know, so to save face, they will ask someone outside the circle for help.  Either way, I can’t see myself continuing to enable people who will not help themselves.

Moral of the story…be careful who you lend/give money to.  You may be doing more harm than good.  It’s hard out here for a pimp and I’m done being pimped.

Politicking…

So anyone who knows me, knows I try my best to keep my opinions to myself…okay so maybe that’s a stretch, but there are two topics I try to shy away from discussing and that’s religion and politics.  Those two topics ALWAYS get a rise out of me and I choose not to devote energy into changing people’s belief systems.  In all fairness, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, so I’m not sure why I get so beside myself when it comes to these topics, but I do.  Since this is my blog and I highly doubt I’ll get any comments, I’ll take a moment to vent about the current state of the union.

Let me preface this by saying I am a registered voter.  I’m registered as an independent.  I’ve voted in 4 elections and 3 of those elections I voted Republican.  There are so many stereotypes associated with political parties that I always like to see the reaction of people when I tell them I vote Republican more than Democrat.  Newsflash, not all black people are democrats and not all white people are republicans.  Not that I have to justify myself, but the reason I mostly vote Republican is because of religious beliefs.  Republicans tend to line up more with Christianity than Democrats.

Now that we have that out of the way, the one time I did vote Democrat was in 2008 for Barack Obama.  No, I did not vote for him because he’s black.  I actually hate that notion.  I voted for him because when I looked at what each candidate stood for, Obama had more appealing stances than McCain.  I don’t believe in voting for a particular party every election just because that is what you are used to voting.  I believe that each person should take the time and research the candidates and what they stand for and make an informed decision before casting your vote.

Over the last few months, there have been numerous events going on in our country.  While I don’t agree with everything our President says or does, the fact still remains that he is our President.  The majority of us thought he was capable enough to run this country, so we have to live with our choice.    I try not to pull the race card…really I do, however, this birth certificate debacle has racism written all over it.  The sad part is I don’t think that those involved realize how racist it is.  In all of the Donald Trump birth certificate scandal, I am not upset with Trump, I’m more upset with the media.  They are the one that failed us.  If these accusations had come from the Inquirer, TMZ, etc. I could understand because who believes their garbage anyway?  This information, however, was reported by credible news outlets like ABC and CNN.  At what point does verifying the credibility of a story go by the wayside all for the sake of a “good” story?  When Donald Trump started firing off about President Obama’s birth records,etc., it was the media’s responsiblity to verify the story, ask for facts, and then once those things had been confirmed, shared the story with the world.  This did not happen.  I feel that the media is a powerful outlet and has a major influence over people.  As such, there is a certain level of responsibility and accountability that they are held to.  By continuing with this birth certificate story, the media totally failed their accountability and responsibility to the American people.  I tend to shy away from watching too much news because depending on what channel you tune into, you can hear the obvious bias that the station has.  I imagine it has to be hard to be a news reporter and maintain being unbiased.  At the same time, that is a part of the job as a media outlet and if one cannot handle it, maybe they should pursue another career.

Last night while Celebrity Apprentice was playing, I saw the Emergency announcement come across the screen that the President would be making a major announcement.  Immediately, my heart sank.  My mind started to race about all the possibilities of what could be going on.  I felt the feeling of 9/11 all over again.  When the announcement of Bin Laden’s death finally was revealed it for some reason angered me.  While I am happy he was finally brought to justice, did it really have to interrupt the last 15 mins of Celebrity Apprentice?  Kidding!  I felt bad that people were celebrating the death of someone.  Indeed, he orchestrated some horrific things, however, he still was a human being.  I felt the same way when Saddam Hussein was killed.  I feel as if you’re giving these people the easy way out.  This is also why I don’t agree with the Death Penalty.  I think people should suffer for their crimes.  Killing them gives them an easy way out.  I would have rather had Osama Bin Laden brought to justice by housing him in a jail in the US or something similar.  I just feel like killing him was too easy.

Things that I don’t care about…

Maybe it’s this rainy weather…maybe it’s the ever increasing gas prices…maybe it’s just me in a mood, but today here are a list of things I really don’t care and I’m tired of hearing about:

President Obama’s birth certificate

The Royal Wedding

Donald Trump and his alleged presidential run

Lindsay Lohan and her jail time

Charlie Sheen (although his rants are pretty funny)

Whether or not Barry Bonds used steroids

It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white…or does it?

So many of you know…or maybe you don’t…but my new career has me traveling Monday through Thursday.  Until July, I will travel back and forth to St. Louis every week.  I know what you’re thinking…St. Louis?  Isn’t that where that tornado hit?  Sure is..as such…this week we’re working in Indiana.  I’d also like to point out that I find it weird that they are not on CST.  I’m so used to being on CST, that until about an hour ago, I’ve been doing things an hour behind because I thought Indiana was on CST.  Anywho…back to the point of this blog…so while in St. Louis, we rent cars to drive back and forth to the hotel, office, or wherever necessary.  Enterprise is my company’s rental agency of choice.  Enterprise is conveniently located at least 5 miles from the airport, although it is allegedly the airport location.  There is a shuttle bus that takes you to and from the airport.  As I was dropping of my rental last Thursday, I was waiting for the shuttle bus to the airport.  As I was waiting, I glimpsed this lady with a small dog on a leash.  Although she was standing at the shuttle space, I knew she wasn’t intending on getting on the shuttle bus.  As the bus pulls up and passengers get off, I begin to gather my things and find a seat on the shuttle.  More people began to get on and the bus becomes full quickly.  Who was the last person to get on the crowded shuttle bus?  Yep, you guessed it…the lady with the dog.  Before I realized it, I said aloud “oh great.”  The guy beside me turns to me and says “so you like dogs huh?”  I replied “not at all.”  This lady with the dog was also traveling with three small little girls.  As everyone is getting situated, it ended up that one of the little girls was sitting and holding the dog in her lap while the mother stood up.  As we are pulling off and have gotten about a quarter of a mile down the road, the lady thinks to ask the lady sitting beside her daughter if she had a problem with dogs.  The lady stated that she was allergic to dogs, but as long as she didn’t touch them, she was fine.  A guy on the other side of the bus, jumps up and tells the mother that she can have his seat.  The mother says well let’s see…she looks at the black guy that was sitting on the other side and says “are you okay with dogs?”  to which he replied “no.”  The guy that stood up rolled his eyes and shook his head in disgust.  The mother continues to stand.  The other ladies begin conversing with the little girls.  Somehow the subject of sports came up…to which it was discovered that the young ladies were forced to watch golf with their father.  When asked if they had a favorite golf player the girls replied no.  As if no wasn’t enough, the ladies asked “so you don’t like Tiger Woods?” to which the girls replied “not anymore!”  The ladies and the mother both replied “good…good answer.”  Again, before I realized it, I blurted out “Unreal!” For the life of me, I couldn’t think of any other person that had ever cheated because that is where I was going with it.  So I’m fuming, but I hold my peace.  As we get to the terminal, the bus driver gets off and instructs everyone to just get off the bus and he’ll hand us our luggage.  Being the superwoman I am, I decided not to wait and just get my bag myself.  As I pull down the bag, the guy who was offering up his seat to the mother screams out “ouch.”  I look over and ask “did I hit you?”  to which he responds disgustingly “yes you did!”  I offered a half-hearted apology and got off the bus.  Now, I know you are thinking I did that on purpose…but I assure you I didn’t.  While I was becoming irritated with everyone on that shuttle bus, I would never try to inflict bodily harm on anyone.  For some reason, I just think that was his karma for being a jerk about the black guy not wanting the dog beside him.  I’m no animal lover, nor Tiger Woods fan, however, in my heart of hearts, I can’t help but think that some of the hostility or animosity on that shuttle bus would not have happened had Tiger Woods and the guy who didn’t want the dog beside him been white.

It’s so good loving somebody…

when somebody loves you back!  Teddy Pendergrass hit the nail on the head with that one!  I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged and boy have there been major changes!!!  As I just looked through my laundry  list of blogs they all revolved around relationships and how disgruntled I was.  It’s amazing what a difference a few months can make.

So, when revisiting my “Priorities” blog, you’ll see my frustrations about this guy I had met and the issue I had because he had a child.  So, I’m not sure how we got from that point to where we are now, but I am VERY much in love with this dude.  I don’t even know how I got past the kid issue and the fact that he stood me up three times, but needless to say, I’m past it.  He has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.  He is very warm and caring and is all that I could have ever hoped and dreamed of.

He has met my family and they absolutely adore him.  We have so much fun together and just geniunely enjoy one another.  Then there’s someone from my past.  The dude I was dealing with prior to meeting my current boo.  Mr. Previous has never accepted or was willing to accept that him and I were not compatible.  Things became ugly between us and I ended up deleting him from most of my social networks.  I kept him on Twitter for whatever reason.  Then he became ridiculous with his tweets on Twitter, so I ended up blocking him there as well.  Imagine my surprise yesterday when I found out that even if you block someone, they can still see your tweets.  Obviously, he’s been talking crap about me thinking he was responding to me on Twitter.  Of course, since I had him blocked, I never got the responses.  It wasn’t until one of my followers asked me about it because he had responded to her as well that I realized he was still seeing my tweets.  Of course, it made me livid.  I didn’t quite understand the purpose of him still trying to hang on or even bring others in it.  We exchanged emails that ended with him telling me “I don’t want to talk to him anymore…OK so stop forwarding him my messages. Kim u know u loved me all the while so stop fronting..it was me that brought u outta your shell…it was me that when you needed someone to lay your head on I was there for u…it was me that counsel u for hours concerning the rif between you and your family. it was me that was lobbying for u to become a delta..Kimmie it me not him”  So…not sure half the stuff he’s referring to.  I begin laughing at it at first and then I realized that he obviously is mental and I need to stop communicating with him all together.  I tell you, you just never know.  But enough about the real life fatal attraction…

I’m so glad that I can finally post a positive blog about relationships…aren’t you?  LOL.  I will keep you posted as this relationship develops, but wanted to take the time to devote a blog since it has been a minute!

Twighlight Zone

So yes, here I am again with yet another relationship post.  First, let me apology for my negligence.  I’ve been torn in so many directions it’s been unbelievable…but trust that I’ve been thinking about various blogs for about 2 months now.

This will be a combo post just because I have so much to share.  Let’s see…where do I begin?

When I went to ATL this summer, I hooked up with this “grammy award winning” producer that I’ve chatted with for years via Yahoo msgr or text.  We met for the first time in ATL this summer.  So after I left the A, I heard from him every now and again but nothing major.  While I was there, he told me that his sister lived in Charlotte, so I was like cool whenever you come in town, you can come see me.  So yesterday about 9:30, I get a text msg from him that goes like this:

D:  Hey Kimmie how are you?

K:  I’m good how are you?

D: I’m cool.  What are you doing today?

K: Nothing much, what’s up?

D:  I’ll be flying there today.  My flight lands at 11:30 am

K: Cool, that’s what’s up.  I’m working from home today, so hit me up when you get here

D:  Can you come scoop me from the airport?

K:  Umm, I guess

D: Okay cool…I’ll be there at 11:30

K:  Okay

So I go get this fool…he gets in the car and we’re chit chatting…then he says “are there any good Japanese/Sushi spots near your house?”  I tell him that there’s a good Japanese spot, but I hadn’t tried their sushi.  He was like okay let’s check it out.  So I’m like aight cool.  Get to the spot…get some sushi…just vibing enjoying each other.  So then the check comes.  The waitress gives it to him.  So I reach for my purse…not in an effort to pay for the whole bill, rather, pay for my portion because I never assume someone is going to pay for a meal for me.  So I turn back around and this ninja has slid the bill over to me.  So I’m like okayyyyy….guess I’m paying.  So needless to say I’m sick to my stomach right now.  So we get back to my house and I’m on OC chatting with a good friend and I’m telling him about what happened.  This friend is clowning and I’m clowning.  I’m telling the friend about how I wasn’t above paying for a meal, but it was the fact that he didn’t even try and pay and this was his idea to get sushi.  Then the friend so eloquently states “not to mention you did go pick him up from the airport.”  So I say well you know I’m thinking since you’re a “grammy award winning” producer, you should be caked up. The friend was like more like I went to my grammie’s house and got some apple pie.  LOL.  Well we proceed to talk about other stuff.  About a good 2 hours worth of conversation.  So then Mr. ATL asks if he can use the computer to check something.  I’m like okay cool.  So bam, I minimize my emails, my OC, and PS.  So as I’m minimizing my convo with my friend, my friend sends me another msg.  I was like oh I’ll just read it later.  So the little conversation is blinking orange because I have an unread msg from the friend.  So after I let Mr. ATL use the computer…I start thinking…hmmm did I start a new conversation with my friend after I was talking ish about Mr. ATL? Then I was like well surely he wouldn’t read my conversations so it doesn’t matter.  Furthermore, if he did, I would know because the orange message light wouldn’t be blinking anymore.  So I get the laptop back and what do u know…the orange light isn’t blinking anymore.  So I was like aww naw…no this fool didn’t read my convo.  So I started smirking.  I sent my friend a msg and was like yo, I think this fool read our convo.  He was howling.  So Mr. ATL whole demeanor changes.  Then he says “is there an ATM around here?” I was like uhh yeah.  He said cool can u stop me by there on the way to my sister’s?  I was like sure.  So he starts packing up his stuff and then he hollers “just so you know, my sister could have came and got me from the airport.” I said okkkkkay…where is that coming from?  He said…”I just want to make sure you know.  I don’t want you thinking I’m some clown that will just catch a flight without having a ride”  I said, okayyy.  He goes on to say that he asked me to come scoop him because he wanted to spend some time with me.  Yeah okay.  So we get in the car, and we’re riding and he’s not really talking.  So I say you know what’s up, your whole demeanor changed.  he was like I’m good.  I’ll be okay.  I was like okay so what does that mean?  He said nothing, I’m good.  It’s nothing you’ve done.  I said aight whatever.  I was like eff it, I ain’t saying nothing else.  So I stop him by the bank, he goes in, handles his business and comes out.  So we get to his sister’s house, I get out give him a hug and he puts $20 in my hand.  I was like oh wow…nope you keep it.  He was like no take it.  I was like so wow…you did read my convo…he said nope I didn’t read anything on your computer.  I said whatever…you a lie..because 1.)all this stuff wouldn’t come up out the blue 2.) when you gave me my laptop back, the message wasn’t orange anymore so I know you read it I was just going to see if you were going to lie about it.  So we go back and forth for a min then he was like “the thing at the restaurant was that I was reaching for my card and I turned around and saw you reaching for your purse so I’m like what is she doing.”  then he says “but on some real man shit…I shouldn’t have let you paid…that was my bad because you’re right…it was my idea.”  I said see that’s what I’m talking about…I know you read the convo now.  He still denied it.  So I was like whatever.  I am rolling off and he like “Kimmie I want to see you again before I leave…that’s if it’s not too much trouble.”  I rolled my eyes and was like whatever.  two mins later he text me and says “had a nice time.  I like you a lot Kimberly.  Would love to see you again while I’m here”  Really?  Really dude?

Next topic of choice…

So in a previous post, specifically “Pink Toes” I mentioned my good friend who spent most of his time with me as opposed to his pink toed girlfriend while we were at VT.  A little history….after he graduated from VT, he moved to CA…we kept in touch but nothing serious.  When I relocated to the DC area, shortly thereafter my friend who will be referred to as Cee going forward, relocated to NJ.  He came to visit me a couple of times and I went to see him a couple of times.  In one of the trips I bit the bullet and asked him since he was available and I was available why not try working on something?  He gave me some bogus answer and I left it alone.  Of course, in the back of my mind, I felt it was because I was overweight.  Cee came to visit me in DC one weekend and he brought a friend with him.  While I had seen this friend before on VT campus, I didn’t “know” this friend.  I figured hey any friend of Cee’s is a friend of mine.  Cee and his friend decided to go out to a club.  I wasn’t much of a clubber and if you know anything about DC, you know that parking anyway is a nightmare.  I volunteered to drop Cee and his friend off at the club and then come back and pick them up.  So around 2 am, Cee’s friend called me and told me they were ready.  I get to the spot and only Cee’s friend is waiting.  So Cee’s friend gets in the car and I ask where Cee is.  Cee’s friend tells me that Cee met some “people” in the club and that he was going to go home with them and hang out.  I was livid!  First, I don’t know Cee’s friend, yet you feel it is okay to send him home with me, a single woman to stay the night?  Secondly, I’m jealous.  Yeah, I said it.  Cee was supposed to be visiting me, not hooking up with some random chic he met at the club.  So the next morning, Cee’s hook up drops him off at my place and Cee strolls in as if everything is kosher.  I give him the evil look, they pack their stuff up and head back to NJ.  I’m not grudge holder, but I definitely was going to let him feel this stunt.  So for months, I didn’t accept any of his calls or emails.  Finally, I reach out to him maybe a year later to which Cee informs me he is married and has a baby on the way.  My heart drops.  I couldn’t believe it.  In a matter of a year, you’ve met someone, decided she was the “one” and married and impregnated her?  It took me a minute to get past it.  Over the next few years, I’d occasionally reach out to Cee and vice versa just to see how things were.  The last email I had received in late 2006 was that Cee’s wife had just had twins and they were the happy little family.  I genuinely was happy for Cee, because eventhough I loved Cee and wanted him for myself, to see him happy, made me happy.  Fast forward to the first week in August, 2007.  My family takes an annual trip to Myrtle Beach.  I’m a loser, so while I am on “vacation” I still bring my laptop to either do Aon work, school work, or my UofP teaching work.  As such, I also check my personal email.  Our first night there, I’m going through emails and I see an email from Cee.  I hadn’t heard from Cee in probably about 6 months, so I am expecting this to be our semi-annual email.  I open the email and my heart dropped.  His email said something to the effect of “by chance are you in Myrtle Beach?  I was just riding down the strip and I saw someone who looked just like you!”  Eery right?  So I immediately email back to let him know that yes it was me he saw.  Of course, now it’s been at least 5-6 years since I’ve seen Cee so I’m all excited about the possibility of seeing him.  Luck would have it that he was leaving the same day he saw me so unfortunately, we were not able to meet up.  Afterwards, we emailed a bit more frequently.  Then we discovered that we both had a Facebook account.  So naturally, we added each other.  As time goes on, I’m curious as to what his wife looks like.  Ladies, you know how we do…want to see what she offered that we didn’t.  So finally I get a glimpse of his wife.  Not bad looking at all…actually very attractive.  I share the pic with my bff from VT and her first response was “OMG…she looks like you!”  Of course, I didn’t see it, but whatever.  Cee and I communicated over facebook every once in a while.  One day Cee had posted a status that I was in agreement with and decided to comment on his status.  Two seconds later, Cee’s wife commented in manner as to indicate “back off sista…he’s mine!”  After that, I decided that I wouldn’t comment on any more of Cee’s status or pics because obviously, Cee had told wifey what went down between us.  Oh wait?  Did I leave that part out?  Yeah, Cee and I had an intimate relationship while at VT and when he lived in NJ. 

About a month ago, Cee posts on his status that he is considering relocating to Charlotte.  I was so excited!  I sent Cee a private FB message to let him know that I had just recently relocated to Charlotte and if he needed anything or help to let me know.  The Sunday after Thanksgiving, Cee posts that he has moved to Charlotte and is feeling right at home.  So I send him a welcome message asks him if he needs anything, etc.  Cee informs me that he is staying at his grandmother’s…the rest of the family would be moving down at the end of December.    So we exchange numbers and Cee and I begin texting back and forth.  Then Cee states that he wants to come by and see me  Tuesday so we can catch up.  Of course, I oblige.  So Cee comes over and instantly all the feelings I thought were gone, came back.  We reminisced on the good times, the intimate times, and the bad times.  Just had generally a good time.  Cee leaves.  We converse via blackberry messenger from that point forward.  Everyday last week, Cee and I were doing something…mall, eating, mall, and more eating.  It was just like old times.  In the  midst of our reminiscing I asked Cee what exactly he told his wife about us.  He stated that he told her everything and to that point, she’d be livid if she knew he was kicking it with me like we were.  Then Cee tells me that throughout the years he’s thought about the what if we got together…all the coincidences of us running to each other and how it just seems to make sense that we would end up together.  Why he shared this?  Still not sure.  Then, Thursday, Cee decides to proposition me.  I told him no, it wouldn’t be right, etc.  He agreed and thanked me for keeping him focused.  yeah okay.

Sunday we went to the mall.  When we got back to the car, he turned his cell phone on and his wife had called multiple times.  he looked at me and told me if i so much as breathed too hard, he’d killed me.  So i get to sit there while he chit chat with his wife feeling like the side chic.  So Sunday night when he left he tried his hand one more time at getting some and I declined again.  Well he had added me on blackberry messenger when we reconnected…so when he got home sunday night, he sent me a msg asking about what i’d do if we were intimate…blah blah blah…so i tell him that i felt like that side chic when he was on the phone with his wife, and he was so worried about how she felt and didn’t give a damn about how his actions made me feel…he apologized and then went on talkin about how happily married he was and he had to do what’s best for his fam and kids and that right now he’s just confused.  he said that we had great memories at tech and he couldn’t touch the intimacy that we shared…but he’s very much in love with his wife and his actions need to reflect that.  He also doesn’t want to lose me as a friend…especially one that is near and dear to his heart.  So I responded that while I have enjoyed the time we spent together over the last week, until he can figure out a way we can ALL coexist or that his wife knows about our friendship or even the fact that I live in Charlotte, we can’t hang out anymore.  He responded “agreed” and two seconds later deleted me off blackberry msgr. 

 

I get a request on Blackberry Messenger from him to add me back.  So I accept.  I’m sitting there waiting for him to send me a msg because I doggone sure ain’t…well in the meantime I get a facebook msg from him that says “Just wanted to ask that you remove all my contact information. Write me back to make sure you understand. Make sure you accept my Bmessenger invite so I can send this same message there as well.”  and no sooner than I finished reading it on FB…the same message came to blackberry messenger along with…and please don’t show up at the Bob Evans down the road from my gym…I’ll be there around 8:15 and don’t want to be bothered…”  So I’m like wow really dude?  So I laughed and said okay.  you’ve been removed.  Shall I delete you from FB too?  He was like I didn’t say all that but if you feel it’s necessary go ahead.” 

 

Get a message today…we talk and pretty much his feelings were hurt that I rejected him even though it was the right thing to do so he threw temper tantrum.  Then he said he couldn’t take it anymore because he expected me to try and reach out to him within those two days and I didn’t and he didn’t want to lose my friendship over something so silly.  So we talk and go back and forth about different things.  His last message to me stated:

“ Thanks for talking to me.  I feel much better now.  I love you.  There is nothing wrong with saying this.  My life is different, but that does not change how I feel.”

C’mon Son!  Really???  Geez.

Hardcore?

It’s been a while…and I know you’ve missed my blogging, but I have been ridiculously busy over the last month and haven’t had time to be social as I love to be.  As I sit here on yet another phone conference, I thought I’d make a post to let you guys know that I’m still kicking and all is well!

Also, wanted to share a situation that happened last night.  My cousin/roommate and I were at a local sports bar last night that we decided to try for the first time.  We ordered, got/ate our food and had a grand time.  As we were packing up to leave, this guy comes over to our table and jokingly acted as if he was going to steal our take home food.  So, I ran with it and played along with him. 

I consider myself pretty savvy and have common sense, but I’m beginning to realize that maybe I’m just green.  I can play along with someone, joke, etc. and mean absolutely nothing by it.  Recently, I have been told that I’m a flirt.  Reflecting on some of the people who I have met and encountered I’m beginning to think that maybe my joking and playfulness is misconstrued as flirting.

Back to the guy last night, so he proceeds to ask me if I’m married.  Immediately, I know where this is going.  He proceeds with the normal questions of do you have a man, kids, blah blah blah.  Then he moves in for the kill, “Well can I have your number?”  Given that he approached me with 20 questions, I thought it only appropriate that I return the favor.  After showing me his Identification Card (not driver’s license) I proceed to ask if he had a car, could he drive, was he married, involved, what was his living situation, did he have kids, and if he worked.  He answered positively to most of the questions but then…he said he was an “on call” plumber.  To which I replied, oh so that means you don’t work everyday?  That also means you don’t have benefits, huh?  When he told me he lived with his brother and his wife (who just got married) he felt the need to tell me that he paid for their honeymoon.  Ultimate turn off…not that I was turned on, but still it just further discouraged me from providing him with my number. 

I begin to jot down my fake number and still asking him a litany of questions.  He begins to grow irritated and finally tells my cousin who took the number out my hand to give to him “just keep the number…I don’t want it.  If I have to go through all this just to get the number I’m not going to even bother.”  Smart man.  I’ve had my share of psycho, false, not what they perceived themself to be “men.”  Am I wrong for getting all this out in the open prior to even considering to getting to know someone?  Am I too hardcore?  I think not.  My life and his will now be just grand because we haven’t wasted each other’s time and got caught up in some feelings that will ultimately lead nowhere.

I also feel, and this may sound cocky or conceited, but I am worth the chase.  I bring a lot to the table and will not settle for just anything.  I believe that a MAN should put in work to gain my affection, trust, and ultimately love.  I’m not willing to freely give those things away.  You have to earn them.

Until next time my friends, stay positive and keep your head up!!

Priority

So here we are…yet another relationship post.  It seems like I daily find myself perplexed about something surrounding the opposite sex.  True indeed, females are complex creatures, but males are just as complex.

I’ve told pretty much anyone that I have ever potentially dated that I don’t like to date guys with kids.  There are many reasons why.  If you have read this far, you might as well continue reading.  1.) I will never be a priority.  Whether they have full custody, joint custody, or weekend visitations, I will always come second or third.  I’m no spoiled brat, but in the famous words of Patrick Swayzee…”Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”  I want to be with someone that sees me as their number 2…their number 1 of course should be God.  I fully anticipate devoting my time and attention to any relationship that I am in.  If you know me, you know that I am very spontaneous and I love a good adventure.  When you have kids, you are limited with your spontaneity.  You have to arrange for a babysitter, ensure that your child has everything they need, etc.  2.) If for some reason God pricks my heart and mind and tells me that I do in fact want kids, I would never be able to share the joy of “our” first child.  If you already have kids, you will have already felt the joys of the day that they were born, the trials and tribulations of the 9 months of pregnancy.  While it would be our first child together, it will never be your first.  3.) I really can’t see being a stepmom.  4.) You always run the risk of baby momma drama.

With that said…the last two guys that I have dated had kids.  I got to a point in my life where I accepted the fact that the chances of me finding a guy without a kid were slim to none.  Oddly enough, the last two guys I dated not only had a child, they both had either full or joint custody.  Which throws a monkey wrench in the game.  Our time is never “our” time.  I am always on his time because he has to make provisions for his kid.  We can never just up and go somewhere.  Every meeting has to be pre-planned because he has his kid.

So I’ve been talking to this guy for the last month or so.  We’ve had excellent conversation, share a lot of interests, and have a lot in common.  The drawback?  You guessed it…he has full custody of his son.  So much so that the son’s mother is not involved in his life. 

We’ve gone out twice.  Everything has been lovely.  Then there was two weeks ago.  We had plan to meet just to say hey…at the last minute he states that he is unable to meet because the guys that were riding with him didn’t want to stop.  Okay fine.  No biggie.  I didn’t rearrange my schedule to meet him anyway.  Then there was last week…we were supposed to meet for dinner.  Around 3 pm, he informs me that his mother has a schedule conflict and is unable to watch his 13 year old son.  Okay, here we go.  So I immediately pull back because I see where this is heading.  I build myself back up and become comfortable with him again and then it happened again.  This past Tuesday, we were supposed to meet for dinner again.  Time…5:30.  Around 4:30, he informs me that he is running a little behind because his mom hadn’t gotten to his house to watch his son yet, but he should definitely be there by 5:45.  Aww gee thanks for the heads up.  As I am 5 mins from the meeting spot, I receive a call from said gentleman asking me where I was.  As I proceed to tell him, he informs me that his mother still hasn’t arrived to watch his son.  Okay enough.  The final straw.  At what point does one have to continuously be disappointed in order to get the picture?

After a long discussion, I decided that I need to stick to my original theory that I can’t date guys with kids.  It’s an adjustment that I’m not willing to make.  Does that make me inconsiderate?  Selfish?  Unthoughtful?  Perhaps, however, I feel that I deserve to be a priority and not just an option.