Pink Toes

Pink toes…what is that you ask?  Well it’s a term that I first heard from my brother-in-law.  He referred to white girls as pink toes.  I found it hilarious and then I begin to hear it more often.  The reason this even came up was because of a struggle I experienced while at Virginia Tech.

Prior to attending Va Tech, I never saw color.  Sure I knew who was black, white, hispanic, asian, etc. but I never stereotyped or experienced any type of racial events.  Or maybe I did but was so green that I didn’t recognize it.  When I got to Virginia Tech, it was the biggest cultural shock of my life.  I could go a week and not see a black person.  I come from a small town where everyone spoke to each other, helped each other out, etc.  Imagine my surprise when there were some, especially black folks who were few and far between would look you dead in your face and not speak. 

Then there were the black guys who I saw with white girls.  Where I came from there were like 2 interracial couples that I knew of.  Other than that, seeing an interracial couple was highly unlikely.  It became more and more common to see the athletes with white girls and I felt an anger begin to build up within me.  Why?  Not sure.  I think there was some subliminal feeling that here me and my friends all were…single, intelligent, attractive, no kids, yet, a black guy preferred “pink toes” over us? 

I had a very close friend while at Tech that spent the majority of his time at my apartment.  He was a nice looking black guy.  He wasn’t someone I looked to “hook up” with or anything…just a real cool dude to kick it with.  Actually, he was my academic advisor and I’m not sure how we got to the point of becoming cool…hmm…I’ll have to think on that one…but anyway…imagine my surprise when he told me that he was in a relationship.  Imagine even further when I found out his girlfriend was white.  I became enraged.  I couldn’t understand how he could spend 90% of his time with me, yet think that a “sista” wasn’t good enough to be with.  When I asked him why he dated white women he told me that he got tired of the attitudes that sistas had and that when he was in high school, they wouldn’t give him the time of day and now that he is all buff and looks half way decent, they are trying to holler.  Okay, I get that…but hey…still not a good reason to me.

At first, it used to irritate the mess out of me to see a black guy with a white girl.  Instant attitude.  Then reality set in and I realized that I didn’t have a problem with interracial dating, I had a problem with people who would only date a specific race.  Using excuses like those of Dennis Rodman are cop outs to me.  I believe in diversity and in fact would not be opposed to dating outside my race.  Lord knows I’ve had my share of issues with black men, but it’s not enough for me to say forget it…I’m never going to date another black man because I’m tired of them not having their stuff together. 

The ironic part of my issue is that my BFF from Va Tech is white and she will only date black guys.  I never cared because most of the guys she dated, I wouldn’t want anyway.  Wrong…I know…but hey, I’m speaking from the heart here!

There is still a little sting that I get when I see a black guy with a white girl.  I think subconsciously I think that hey he looks like he has his stuff together…why do I always end up with the losers?  True enough, there are losers in every race, but I just seem to meet all the black ones.

Recently, Marvin Sapp’s wife passed away.  My heart went out to him and his family.  I was informed later on that his wife was white.  It instantly gave me a not so sympathetic attitude.  I felt horrible and asked for forgiveness but I want to know what it is that causes me to have such feelings like this?  It’s not that I’ve ever had someone leave me for a white woman. 

I think a lot of “sistas” struggle with the Pink Toes syndrome.  I read an article not too long ago that reported 42 percent of African-American women have yet to be married, compared to only 23 percent of white women.   Also, the 2000 U.S. Census counted 1.8 million more African-American women than black men.  With all that said, the successful black woman is pretty much at a disadvantage at finding a mate.  That is what makes seeing a successful black man with a white woman so hard.

Sore Loser

Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m an avid football fan.  I love NFL as well as college football.  Giving that my alma mater has a pretty decent…who am I kidding, a darn good football program, it’s a given that I’m a die-hard Hokie football fan.  I’m never one that gets into the rankings, especially pre-season.  I have nothing but the utmost respect for Frank Beamer and the football program that he runs.  I particularly like the fact that he recruits mostly Virginia players within close proximity to Virginia Tech so that parents have a short drive to visit their kids.  I kick myself every time I think about the fact that in the four years that I attended Virginia Tech, I only attended two football games…one in which my mother FORCED me to attend just to get the experience. 

Since the Michael Vick years, my passion for Hokie/Beamer Ball has grown stronger and stronger.  I love the interaction between Bud Foster and Frank Beamer.  You can just see the passion they have for the game as well as their desire to see these guys blossom into great players and people. 

The time from June until the end of August, I spend pumping myself up for football season.  I shy away from reading the blogs and articles about who will be #1 this year…will Beamer win a BCS Championship…blah blah blah

Regardless of polls, standings, blogs, etc., I subscribe to the belief that the Hokies are a good football team and I expect that every season.  Sure, our defensive line only had two people to return.  Regardless, I have such confidence in Bud Foster and his ability to shape a great defensive line that I expect nothing but the best.

With that said…last night’s match up against Boise State.  We, and when I say we, I mean the Hokies, went in ranked as #10, while BSU was ranked #3.  Again, not into rankings, but obviously there is some merit behind the predictions.  Given that, the expectation is for BSU to win.  The Hokies were the underdog.  In the first quarter, there were 17 unanswered points.  The defensive line looked very sloppy and scared…which is to be expected with a young team.  After the first quarter, I began to swallow the pill that the Hokies in fact may take a loss.  Then there was the shift change that gave me as well as all the other thousands of Hokie fans hope…at this point, I felt engaged again.  I felt that sense of hope again…I felt that the Hokies indeed could pull off the upset!  It is at times like these, I wish that football only had three quarters.  I recall when I attended the Tarheel/Hokie game last season how the boys finally showed up in the 3rd Quarter and then in the blink of an eye, I found myself staring at the scoreboard wondering how we lost.  I felt that feeling again as I watched the clock in the fourth quarter run down from 1:45 minutes.  BSU is out of timeouts and Tyrrod Taylor is having difficulty completing passes.  Alas, we are forced to a field goal.  Although not desirable, I was still hopeful that the four point lead would hold us for 1:45. 

As I replay those last seconds over and over in my head, I can’t help but become a sore loser.  Had VT trailed the entire game, I would have dealt with the loss better than I am now.  Losing is inevitable, but to lose because of critical mistakes, and losing after being up for so long, it’s a hard pill to swallow.

I love the Hokies and will until the day I die…but this loss is a very hard one to deal with.  I think of the Tech Triumph line that states “Win or lose we’ll greet you with a glad returning…you’re the pride of VPI…” and it helps me tolerate the loss but this loss will sting for years to come.

Good Dude

In my interaction with those of the opposite sex lately, there is a common theme that seems to be lingering…”I’m a good dude” is what I hear from each and every man I’ve talked with.  My questions are a.) If you are a bad dude, would you admit it?  b.) What makes you a good dude?

I’ve recently been propositioned by two married guys.  Both of which are recently married and to my knowledge have no marital issues…other than the fact that they obviously have a problem with monogamy.  Even these married dudes prefaced their propositions with “look, I’m a good dude.”  Oh really now?

So what makes a dude a good dude?  In my humble opinion, a good dude is a godly dude.  One that can take care of his affairs and not need to rely on me to help out.  A good dude cares about his well-being.  A good dude is a provider and wants to be a provider to his family.  A good dude is a gainfully employed, has his own car and own living arrangements.  A good dude realizes the importance of having a career and not just a job.  A good dude wants the best for himself as well as those he loves and will do whatever necessary to ensure that it happens.  A good dude respects himself and as well as others.  A good dude realizes the value of a woman and honors all women.

Those are just a few things in my opinion that make up a good dude.  I’m having a hard time subscribing to the good dude theory that some of these dudes have tried to lay out.  When asked why a dude thinks he is a good dude, I generally get the water downed versions and in my opinion, nothing that amounts to a hill of beans. 

So I ask?  What is a good dude?

Nickel Looking for a Dime

Once again…another blog post about relationships.  I have heard the song “Statistics” by Lyfe Jennings several times.  Recently, I decided to actually listen to the words.  Some lyrics that stick out are:

 ”RULE #1
Don’t be a booty call, If he don’t respect you girl he gon’ forget you girl.

NOW 2

If he’s in a relationship  And he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you.

RULE 3

Tell him that you’re celibate  And if he wants some of your goodies he gon’ have to work for it.

RULE 4

Be the person you wanna find Don’t be a nickel out here lookin’ for a dime.”

In my plight to find the ideal person to be in a relationship with, I have suddenly realized that maybe I’m a nickel out here looking for a dime.  All this time, I thought I was a pretty decent catch.  No kids, own place, car, good job, well educated, never been married, saved…all that.  The truth of the matter, however, is that I have a shopping problem, sharp tongue, moody, dude mentality, and I can be selfish.  So this post is dedicated to you, Lyfe Jennings, for making me realize that I am not the person that I want to find.  Today marks the day that I become the person that I want to find.  I’m upgrading from a nickel to a quarter.

Here are all the lyrics for future reference…quite interesting…

25% of all men are unstable
25% of all men can’t be faithful
30% of them don’t mean what they say
and 10% of the remainin’ 20 is gay

That leaves you a 10% chance of ever findin’ your man
That means you better pay attention to these words that I say
I’m gonna teach you how expose the 90%
and show you what to do to keep the other 10.

Chorus:
RULE #1
Don’t be a booty call,

If he don’t respect you girl he gon’ forget you girl,

NOW 2

If he’s in a relationship

And he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you.

RULE 3

Tell him that you’re celibate

And if he wants some of your goodies he gon’ have to work for it.

RULE 4

Be the person you wanna find

Don’t be a nickel out here lookin’ for a dime.

STATISTICS!

15% of all men got a complex

15% of all men dont practice safe sex

20% of them are from homes without a father

so there’s a 50/50 chance that you’ll marry a coward

Something to think about when you’re takin’ a shower

Something to swallow when you drank your bottled water

I’m gonna teach you how to expose the 90%

and show you what to do to keep the other 10

Chorus:

RULE #1

Don’t be a booty call,

If he don’t respect you girl he gon’ forget you girl,
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

NOW 2

If he’s in a relationship

And he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you.

RULE 3

Tell him that you’re celibate

And if he wants some of your goodies he gon’ have to work for it.

RULE 4

Be the person you wanna find

Don’t be a nickel out here lookin’ for a dime.

Be patient! He’s waiting!

You don’t gotta settle for that

Leave all that stress alone!

Get you a backbone!

Stop being sorry for yourself!

Chances make champions

It’s gonna take (patience)

Time is still (wastin’)

Don’t be a booty call

If he don’t respect ya girl he gon forget ya girl

RULE 2

If he’s in a relationship

If he will cheat on her that means he will cheat on you

RULE 3

Tell him that you’re celibate

and if he wants some of your goodies he gon’ have to work for it.

RULE 4

Be the person you wanna find

Don’t be a nickel out here lookin’ for a dime.

STATISTICS!

STATISTICS!

STATISTICS!

Dreams…How many of us have them?

I’m not one who consistently dreams at night…or any time of the day for that matter.  I generally sleep with the tv blaring.  As a result, most of my dreams are related to the last thing I was watching or something that I hear prior to, during, or after REM sleep.  If I ever dream about someone to whom I have not spoken to in a while, I take that as a “sign” that I should call the person to check on them.  Most of the time, they are fine and of course are glad that I called.  Lately, however, I’ve been dreaming of things that have come to past.

Tuesday night, I dreamed I was in this high speed police chase.  Not that I had anything to hide or committed any crime, rather, I just didn’t want another ticket.  Yesterday evening as I took a different route home, I received a ticket.  Last night I dreamed about this guy I used to have a huge crush on while at Virginia Tech.  The dream was pretty generic.  I dreamed that I was spilling my guts to him about some issues that I had going on and wanted his honest opinion about some things.  I log on to Facebook this morning and the first thing that happens?  This guy to whom I have NEVER ever talked to…no more than speaking while at Virginia Tech and writing Happy Birthday on his wall…sends me an IM.  Of course I think his account has been hacked because the conversation was about me trying this IQ test.  Regardless, I just found it weird or even concidental that I dreamed about this guy and I receive, allbeit a hoax, a message from him this morning.  Things that make you go hmmmm…I am curious to see what tonight’s dream brings.  BIG MONEY…BIG MONEY…NO WHAMMY… STOP!

Doing the Right Thing

I hate that most of my blogging revolves around relationships or rather the lack thereof, however, it seems that lately I’ve been hit with some real doozies and I have to get it off my chest.  I’m pretty much exposing a lot of things in this post…judge me if you like.   For a period of about 8+ years, I was celibate.  My reasoning varied, but primarily from a spiritual point of view, I felt it was the right thing to do.  I believed that if I was obedient and abstained from having sex, God would send me my husband and we’d live happily ever after.  Then there was…ummm…let’s just call him Julio…Julio talked an excellent game and even said that we were in a relationship…as such…I felt “obligated” to have sex with him after being in a “relationship” with him for about 6 months.  Then it happened…that was all Julio and I did…we never went out, did things together…nothing…pretty much was the extent of our “relationship.”  After about a month or so, I decided to take a stand and let Julio know that we would no longer partake in premarital sex to which Julio informed me that he no longer had any interests in being with me, or anyone for that matter, if he couldn’t have sex on the regular.  He told me I was crazy if I thought I’d find someone willing to be with me and not have sex with me prior to marriage.  His statement hit me like a ton of bricks.  I of course chalked it up to him being salty behind the fact that he was “cut off” and continued on my search.  Of course, as Julio predicted, I could not find one person willing to get to know me outside of a sexual realm.  After about 2 years, I decided that I’d give up on the notion and soon just took the dude mentality I’m currently stuck in.  Don’t get me wrong…I’m not this 

promiscuous person having sex all over town.  I just now don’t look for a relationship without sex.

How the tables turned on me last night…I met a guy on a dating website that will remain nameless.  He seemed like the “ideal” one for me.  No kids, never been married, car, home, college graduate, gainfully employed, loves to travel, and great sense of humor.  We conversed for about three weeks and finally met last night.  Last week, I became a little put off or turned off shall I say because his intellectual conversations began to go down “the” path.  You know…the one leading up to sex.  At that point, my entire outlook of him switched up.  He fell into the “just looking for sex” category.  While I had no expectations during our meeting, based on his conversations, I kind of “knew” he’d probably try something.  As the night progresses, nothing happens.  Finally, he goes in for the kiss.  Not bad.  It wasn’t your ordinary kiss, but a very passionate one that seemed to go on for hours.  But that was it…just kissing.  Nothing extra.  At this point I’m definitely confused.  Without going into the graphics, let’s just say, the night ended with him leaving shortly thereafter and me sitting there like a dog in heat.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no nympho by any stretch of the imagination, however, as one of my friends put it best…you can’t start up the engine and not drive it out the lot. 

Curiousity got the best of me and I had to ask him why he left the way he did last night.  I wasn’t prepared for his response.  He stated that for one he was tired and secondly, he was trying to be good these days.  Meaning, trying to do the right thing and live right.  I immediately became angry.

So here’s where I’m perplexed.  What type of sick, mixed up individual am I?  Why am I angry at a man who is obviously stronger than me?  Who has all the qualities I have been looking for?  Here’s why…I respect what you’re attempting to do.  I realize we all fall short of the glory of God.  I get that too.  With that in mind, I think that if you are truly making a conscious effort, conversations of the sexual nature should be a thing of the past.  Sure you may say a thing every once again, but to have a dedicated conversation strictly about sex sends the wrong impression and definitely doesn’t demonstrate Christ-like behavior.  I definitely feel like this is some karma for sure.  Just not sure I expected it to come back like this.

Lesson learned.

Stalking in the name of the Lord

Do stalkers really know that they are stalkers?  I have this one guy who I’m pretty sure could be classified as a stalker.  While he may just be a text stalker, he’s a stalker none the less.  Every since he’s told me that he is engaged to be married, I’ve asked him not to contact me.  He still, however, sends me at least three daily texts.  I’ve blocked his number, yet he’s now texting me from a different number.  He “claims” that he is a bishop and that God told him that I was the one for him and that he knows that God is going to intervene with his current engagement and allow him the opportunity to marry me.  Oh really now?  You met me about 3 weeks ago, I’ve talked to you twice on the phone in which I told you absolutely nothing about me because you dominated the conversation…yet…you want to spend the rest of your life with me?  Give me a break.  It’s scary to know that people like this are walking around unattended.

Single and Satisfied?

“You’re so lucky…you’re a free spirit…you can come and go as you please…”  All things that married people say to me as a single person.  For a long time I could imagine my life as a single woman.  It’s always been me.  I’ve never depended on anyone to do anything for me.   Then, I hit my 30s.  It was as if I looked around and all my high school and college friends were married, getting married, had 1-2 kids or preparing for kids.  So what’s wrong with me?  Ah yes, it’s because I’m overweight.  No biggie.  I’ll just lose some weight and everything will fall into place.  Ha!  What a joke.  While my potentials have increased, still nothing that I can truly say has been worthwhile.  I subscribed to the belief that I can do bad all by myself for so long that I think it very well may have impaired my judgment.  I’ve had many friends and acquaintances that I feel have “settled” because they were desperate for companionship and I vowed to never ever settle.  While it would be nice to have a companion, I will not lower my standards (which in my opinion aren’t unreasonable) in order to achieve companionship.  So what are my standards?  Glad you asked.  1.) God-fearing.  While I may not be the Holy roller, I DO have a very strong relationship with God and refuse to be unequally yoked.  2.) Gainfully employed.  While I know we’re living in a tough economy right now, I still believe that there are some jobs out there.  Might not be your “ideal” job, but it’s a job none the less.  3.) Own transportation.  Doesn’t have to be a Benz or a Suburban.  Just something that gets you from Point A to Point B or even Point Kimmie’s House.  4.) Never been married.  The exception to this would be if you are a widow.  5.) No kids.  This is the one that always gets me.  You would not imagine how hard pressed you are to find someone without kids.  6.) Goals or direction in their life.  My preference is older men.  Originally it was because I didn’t want to deal with younger guys who are still trying to find out what they want to be when they grow up and get their life together.  I’ve dated/talked to no one less than 40 in the last year and I’m truly amazed that NONE of them have their stuff together. 

That’s it.  Those are my standards.  Am I being picky?  Am I living in a fantasy?  Am I being unreasonable?  I think not.  Although others have told me that I am.

So maybe I’ll have to be single and satisfied.  Although I did read an interesting article that gave me comfort.  The author stated that “It just hasn’t happened yet.”  There are plenty of people who have the exact same issues that I have that could possibly be preventing me from finding the one…but guess what…they just got lucky!

Moving on up…or shall I say down

After much contemplation, I’ve decided to relocate yet again.  I’m now moving to the Queen City…Charlotte, NC.  While I have my reservations about change, I always welcome it.  My family on the other hand…

I realize that when you are used to doing the same thing that you’ve always done, it’s hard to grasp the concept of change.  This, however, does not warrant you to discourage one that is open to change.  While you may have your thoughts and opinions, some times an encouraging word or a “you have my support” is all that is needed.

So now I’m a blogger…

After conversing with one of my favorite colleagues and fellow Hokie, I decided to jump on yet another social network outlet and begin blogging.  I’m not sure if I’ll have daily updates, but none the less, it shall be interesting.  Until later…